Identifying Common Marital Problems

Communication

The real trouble spot of any relationship is in the area of communication. This trouble spot in essence is the inability of spouses to understand the other partner’s view point and its refusing to accept the expression of other’s view. It is more or less of putting your views forward without any consideration as opposed to not understanding it.  The interest here then seems to be about presentation of one’s own view point that must be listened to and understand rather than trying to listen and understand other’s view. To really understand your partner, you must of utmost necessity be willing to see their views from their own perspective and not from our own. 

 

TROUBLED UP-BRINGING ‘EMOTIONAL IMBALANCE’

Oftentimes, the friction mostly experienced at home is a direct result of troubled upbringing or unattended emotional imbalance which is now carry-over into relationships. While growing up, all manners of programming that formed part of our belief system was programmed into our life, which subconsciously influences our decisions without you been conscious of it.  Imagine someone that is coming from an environment that is abusive, chaotic, violent and judgmental in nature, that fellow’s handling of conflict would be quite different from someone that is coming from such an environment where there is peace and harmony.

SHORTENED OR FAILED EXPECTATION

Again, going into marriage with great expectations as to what marriage should be, but over the years, as a result of unimagined conflicts that ought not to happen but happened, which now brought disappointment because when feelings are not colliding with expectation, it’s called failed expectations. Many fashioned their marriage after the prototype of their parent 

   

LACK OF INTIMACY

This episode is heavy and a bit very serious; it is, in that it’s the most common spot of conflicts in many relationships. Some factors are found to be responsible to this trouble spot area; which could be a direct result of breakdown in communication, medical issues, and absence of tranquility.

If what currently exists in a relationship is absence of tranquility, then sexual intimacy becomes a challenge in that relationship which could be used as punishment and or for defense purposes for unmet demands or request.  Either way lack of intimacy in relationship is a clear indication of a relationship in dire need of urgent attention and or worse still is not being able to identify each other’s expectation in regards to the basic friendship rule in the relationship, which could degenerate into irreversible situation.

As a matter of rule, sexual communications mean different things to either partner, in the case of a woman who likes to be emotionally connection before connecting physically, unlike men who gets connected using sexual activity. Ever wonder how emotional and sexually sensitive your woman is after offering help in an area she so much cares about? Or the man’s rapt attention after making love?

ANGER AND RESENTMENTS

These two are the most dangerous silent killers of relationships; they slowly and gradually destroy the love, care and respect once enjoyed with each other. It is important here then for each partner to uncover what role exactly he/she played in its creation.  The intention here then is not to apportion or trade blames but rather it is to for either partner to actually rediscover themselves and be able to redefine what belief and what action is responsible for these anger and resentment, and improve upon it. Just remember that it takes two to tango.

There is another area of concern that is generally unknown yet and yet it’s a source of pain in relationships/marriages, it may be difficult to believe but it’s devastating effect is clear to be seen; ‘it’s when your experiences are not colliding with your expectation in relationships’ when something in the past resurfaces through an unconscious actions or deeds of a partner, which reminded you of that painful experience you once had, which may not have had any correlation to the happenings in your present relationship.  

Does this sound familiar to you? When your partner made some statement and was misconstrue by you because the statement resemble and reminded you of what was said sometimes ago, your subsequent reaction and something within telling you you’re overreacting to whatever is happening presently.

The direct result of a spouse’s inability to communicate their needs, assuming their partner to use their initiative to understand their needs leads to resentments, which also leads to loss of respect for the other partner. And as a result it leads to sexual problems, blame game, increase bad feelings and keeping away from each other. Besides, the certainty of the matter is, we really can never respect each other until there is this readiness to take courage and willingness to take full responsibility of what is ours. Therefore, as we release ourselves from the old pain of the past couple with the present pain one, with either partner displaying courage and admitting own fault, then that’s the beginning of healing in that union.